恩言雜誌

Gracious Words

神就像大海,我準備要跳下去了God is like an Ocean, I am Ready to Jump in

閻以安(Andrew Yen)

Andrew Yen preparing to enter the water

Andrew Yen preparing to enter the water

My name is Yen Yih-an, English name is Andrew. I came from Taiwan with my family in the summer of 2010, when I was just entering 9th grade. The move was my dad’s idea: but it was for us. The scope of Taiwanese education is very narrow, and my dad wanted to provide my brother and me with an education that could open the world to us. In Taiwan, he was a very well-respected doctor from the top university, and our family lived, although not luxuriously, comfortably enough. With a family of 5, and few relatives in the states, the move was difficult, and we spent months packing, slowly getting our essentials packed into boxes and stashing them into a crate, while putting the essentials into several large suitcases. As our house slowly emptied out, the reality of the move slowly sunk in. We were going! There’s no turning back! Soon our whole lives will be irrevocably changed, and God knows how long it would be before we came back. On the eve of leaving, and the last night in our house, we slept on cardboard boxes,as all of our furniture have been sold, packed, or given away. The special that night was whatever we picked up from the 7-11 at the end of the street. What did we feel? I’m not sure about my family, but I was excited, but also terrified, and hesitant. What would we see on the other side of the ocean? Of course, we have visited our relatives on vacation, but actually coming here and settling down is a whole different matter. We were still unfamiliar with the language and customs, and the prospect of entering the dreaded high school as a freshman was daunting, to say the least. However, one thought calmed my mind. I was sure that because God prepared this way for us, he would not put obstacles in the way that are not too much to handle, and if we just call out to Hm in faith, He will not fail to deliver us.

Fast forward to today. We are now currently living in our second house, having since moved out of our first one. Eric, my younger brother, is in sixth grade, and soon to be middle – schooler and soccer “superstar”. My brother, Sean, will be
moving to college next year to “conquer the world”, and I soon to join him. Mom and Dad should lead peaceful lives without us.

These past two years for me has been something of a turning point. Since very young I have been convinced that Jesus Christ is my savior, and that only through him will I have salvation and eternal life. However, all these years I have declined offers of baptism, and even though I don’t wish to admit it, I am unwilling to give up my old life. The Bible tells us that those who believe in him shall become like new, and lead a new life for his Glory. But I didn’t want to give up my old habits, or give God the glory that the sinful me felt should be mine, and mine alone. My pride became a big problem when it comes toa relationship with the Lord. Also, being in America and thrown into a bigger pond than my home and church, I became exposed to many new ideas, especially science, which Satan has used as a tool to whisper lies into my ears. The Old Testament, for example, tells the story of the Creation of the World, and the Garden of Eden, when gives evidence that seems to contradict such fantastical truths. In a world which has clearly left the teachings of the Lord, I felt myself slowly beginning to lose faith.

I know that you expect me at this point to give the story of the car accident that affected my father, and show how that changed my life forever. But it didn’t. Sure it was a traumatic event that had me flinching every time I saw an approaching car. But it did not remove my doubts and disbelief. The true story, the unexciting story of my life is that simply God spoke to me. And it wasn’t anything dramatic either. One day, I just realized that unless I give myself wholly and entirely to Him, I will never see his true glory and majesty, or feel his power and amazing grace. His word calls us to follow him, and I realized that all my life I haven’t been doing that, and that’s why I’m missing out on all his wonders. If I don’t open my heart and accept him, if I don’t drop everything and dive in, I will never be able to call myself a child of God. And so I’m here, and giving this testimony, so that you all can see me give my commitment to Him that I will strive to live in his image, and build my faith and life in him. As Mark 12:30 says,” Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. ”

我的名字叫閻以安,英文叫Andrew。

我是2010年暑假和家人從台灣來到Sacramento。我父親認為美國可以提供我們三兄弟更好的教育,所以他放下他在台灣的工作,帶我們全家來美國移民。到現在我還記得,離開台灣的前一天晚上,因為所有的傢俱都打包送去海運,所以我們全家都睡在紙板上,而晚餐是便利商店買的熱狗和泡麵。

那時,我對來美國念高中,心中充滿懼怕,但是當時的我有一個念頭,只要不斷地呼求主耶穌的名,他就會引導我面對未來的困難。如今,我六年級的弟弟已經迫不及待地想成為“世界足球巨星”,而我和哥哥也很快就要去念大學“世界”。我想,我和哥哥離開家後,我父母應征服該可以過著比較平靜安寧的生活。

過去兩年在美國的生活是我人生的轉捩點。從小,我就相信耶穌基督是我的救主,只有透過祂,我才能得到救贖和永生。聖經有一段經文一直迴繞我的腦海:哥林多後書五章十七節說,“若有人在基督裡,他就是新造的人, 舊事已過,都變成新的了”。然而,這麼多年下來,我一直沒有受洗。

固執心硬的我仍不想放棄隨心所欲的生活,也不想把我生活中努力的成果歸榮耀給上帝,我的驕傲阻礙我與神的關係。在這個二十一世紀的世界裡,我漸漸覺得,日新月異的科學似乎與聖經的真理越來越背道而馳。在一個排斥神的世界,我對神的信心也越來越小了。

今年暑假發生的一場車禍,並沒有讓我完全改變我原來的態度,我雖然感受到神的恩典,但我仍想要過自己的生活,不想讓神主宰我的人生。但我對人生的疑惑卻因這個車禍而加深,我想要在聖經中找到一些我想要的答案……

直到有一天,我突然瞭解,除非我完完全全的把我自己交給神,我是不會看到他的榮耀,或真正感受到祂大能與奇異恩典。聖經教我們,要背起十字架跟從主耶穌,但我一直沒有決心這麼做。神就像大海,我到底要不要把我自己整個沉入海裡,去感受祂,還是只是站在海邊,讓海浪輕輕的流過我的腳踝,而沒有真正的感受到被神的包圍呢?

馬可福音十二章三十節,耶穌告訴我們,“你要盡心、盡性、盡意、盡力愛主你的神”。今天,我站在這裡,我要大聲宣告,主啊! 我決定要跟隨祢,我已經穿好泳裝,要跳進大海了!

 

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