Not many people are born with “the gift of the gap.” Good communication skill like any skill can be learnt and taught. The business sector recognizes the value of good communication and pays big money through advertizing and marketing efforts. An organization that has good communication and a healthy working environment can increase productivity and creativity. But an organization with poor communication will only result in poor motivation and performance.

Lee Lacocca says, “You can have brilliant ideas, but if you can’t get them across, your ideas won’t get you anywhere.” If this is true, we must be careful how we communicate with others. Words are important for good communication to take place. It is also powerful as God created the world merely by His spoken words. In Genesis 11, before God confuses the people with different languages, they were united by the same spoken language. Thus there was “nothing they set out to do will be impossible for them” (Genesis 11:6). Therefore, it is crucial that we communicate well if we wish to unite and build the Church.

It is said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words cannot harm me.” This is not exactly true because words spoken in anger and malice do hurt and harm. Lives can be destroyed by insensitive words. The choice of words and the right motives of using them are required for good communication. Proverbs 10:11 says, “The words of the godly are a life-giving fountain; the words of the wicked conceal violent intention.” People are often hurt by the poor choice of our words and the wrong or wicked motives of our heart.

Good communication is crucial for building good relationships. It helps us understand someone better through the conversations we have with them. We can learn a lot about a person through how he or she communicates with us. Women understand this intuitively as they quickly bond with others through the hours they spend talking with them. Men, on the other hand would think it is a waste of time. However, relationships are built not merely by talking about trivial things. They may begin there but should move to more important things especially the matters of the heart where the bonding and building take place.

Good communication at the heart level is also crucial for resolving conflicts in our relationship. The Bible talks about speaking the truth in love and this is done with the right words and the right motives. Good communication that chooses the right words and have the right motives will create a safe environment for people to open up and talk about their feelings and differences. Such environment will build trust and enable us to listen to what the others have to say.

Good communication also provides space for the exploration of creative ideas and problems solving in a healthy and caring way. Proverbs 16: 24 say, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settling of silver.” It is a beautiful imagery describing the power of using the right word at the right time. Timing is also crucial in good communication especially for conflict resolution. It is not easy to find the right word to say at the right time especially in conflict or even grief situations. Yet the right word spoken aptly has the power to heal and comfort.

A similar statement is found in Proverbs 16:24, “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to soul and health to the bones.” It must be our prayers to seek to use the right word at the right time to heal, comfort, or support our brothers and sister in the body of Christ. Unfortunately, this does not happen very often. Instead, hurtful words that cause discomfort and tear down others are often heard more than words that build up.

Proverbs 15:28 says, “The heart of righteous studies how to answered, but the mouth of wicked pours forth evil.” It is clear that it is not only for good communication but God also wants us to give attention to how we speak as well as what we speak. We need to understand the gravity and the impact of how the words we used can build or destroy. When the words we use are accompanied by a caring and pleasant demeanor and attitude, they can create exponential positive results to their hearers.

I thank God for giving me the gift of encouragement as I find myself am being able to use words to strengthen others. But my dilemma is the ability to speak the truth in love when confronting lies and deceits. However, I know that by not speaking I am guilty of what Proverbs 17:15 says, “He who justifies the wicked and he who condemns the righteous are both alike an abomination to the Lord.” By being silent I am indirectly justifying the wicked and condemning the righteous. My prayer is that God would give me the ability to communicate well; the humility to say it right; and the courage to say what is right.

Lastly, another important aspect of good communication is listening well. Listening is a practice more that a lesson learnt. It is naïve to think that listening just happens when we are hearing others speak. Married couples will dispel this notion! Parents too, know that children hear less of what is being said than what is intended to be heard. There have been books written on how to be a better listener. In the Book of the Bible, James urges “Let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19).

If we desire to be good communicators, we must first learn to listen well before we can be able to communicate well. Let us work on our communication together! Here are some questions for our reflection:

1. Do I give careful attention to the content of my conversations?

2. Are my words seasoned with grace or condemnation and exaggeration?

3. Am I helping people to feel they are understood or am I justifying myself?

4. Are my motives clear and right before God?

5. Am I helping people to connect with me and others after our conversation?

Not many of us are good communicators or skillful speakers, but for the kingdom of God we must seek to communicate well the gospel and to the building of the body of Christ. James says if any of you lacks wisdom (or communication skill), ask God, who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and it will be given you (James 1:5).