As Christians, it can be a painful process to fully submit ourselves to God’s sovereignty and to cut away our weakness as a sacrifice to Him. But our Lord is such an awesome God. How can we not obey Him?

Six months after my husband passed away, the loneliness haunted me so strongly. I was like a lost island—family and friends had lost the map to find me. I wanted someone to listen, understand, and comfort me. I could not shake this lonely feeling, even after a long period of Bible reading and daily prayer. It was an extremely difficult experience.

Finally one day during my devotional reading, Jesus said to me, “Whenever you cry out to me, I will always listen, and I understand you the most.” I was so touched that I prayed and gave up my weakness and struggle to the Lord. After that prayer, I felt a great relief. But almost immediately, I felt empty inside, and began to panic. I did not like the empty feeling. Noticing this subtle change, I asked God why I felt this way. He then showed me my inadequacy. Am I really satisfied with having God only? Am I willing to empty my heart in order to fill it up with His kingdom instead? If I still stuff my heart with emotion and struggle, I am still being self-centered. If I do not center myself on God, or think what Jesus thinks, how can I truly serve Him?

This was my sin and it needed to be confessed. That day, the Lord broke ground in my heart. Psalms 73:25-28 says:

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Those who are far from you will perish;
You destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.

Lord, may your will be done. I will obey you however you choose to break me and prune me.

Amen.

Tiffanie Sun has been attending Chinese Grace Bible Church for 13 years.  She is active in the Young Families Kinship, and serves as a translator for Gracious Words magazine. She has two young children and is a dentist by profession.  In her spare time, she likes to read, listen to music, and hang out with her kids.